Our Xmas Pantomime.

The September 2005 meeting of Feltex Carpets Ltd and its bank, somewhat as Mr Gordon Fulton says he envisaged it would be.

Scene: An ANZ office suit in Melbourne. Several Bank executives with blue ties are present and at the door is the deputation of company reps.

Bank Exec: Come in people, great to see you.

Company Dir: How do you do. These are some of my fellow directors, Peter Gurney, Peter Davey, Harry Hawke ...

Another Bank Exec: You are all the way from New Zealand no doubt.

Another Company Dir: Well sorry we are a little late. We were walking past various banks and their managers were coming out on the street pleading to be able to replace you as our funder. It was hard to get past them . But we said we were loyal. There is nothing Russell Coutts about us.

Bank Exec: Peter my old friend, great to see you again. Its some three years since you were last in trouble. 2002 that was. My section handles potential receiverships remember?

Company Dir: Of course, of course, that 50 million debenture we raised got us off your back. Our owner got someone to front up with it, by saying it would be paid back out of a sure bet share float.

Another Bank Exec: Well Russell Coutts was loyal for a long time. He won one of your Los Angeles golds didn't he. Thats a while ago now. We in Australia took Olympics seriously after that grubbing. It has cost us a bit though.

Company Dir: New Zealand has bounced back a bit last year though. Came in at 24th on the medals table. Thats about our OECD ranking. We have elections very soon. It might allow Helen to scrap back in.

Bank Exec: No bronzes this time I notice.

Company Dir: No we got enough of those little buggers in Sydney. Its all in the way you manage it I think.

Bank Exec: Who was in charge of that effort.

Company Dir: Eion Edgar. He was one of those involved in our float last year as well. He can get blood put of a stone can that fella.

Bank Exec: Well people could you please all take a seat. We better get to the purpose of today's meeting. Perhaps you could outline just what Feltex is seeking.

Company Dir: Well we have had this profitability glitch you see.

Bank Exec: Yes I must say we noticed that. Your back at 2002 again. But its not a case of having a single shareholder who can keep you afloat this time. Were thinking of calling in McGrath Nichol again.

Company Dir: Oh heck! Well anyway we have decided we need to restructure by closing down the Braybrook yarn plant. There are 235 staff there. We need $10m to do that and were hoping that you would come to the party. And we are told that if we get this funding we are likely to breach a banking covenant which we have with you so we wish for the covenants to be changed so that a breach does not happen.

Bank Exec: Well a hundred a thirty million is a big investment eh. And the interest rate is good to. We can't have you marching off to one of those other banks. So it is a done deal.

The author's Xmas dinner was ready. To be continued soon.